So there's something I'd like to share with you guys today...
I feel like I'm not good enough. Does anyone out there feel me?
Many of my friends who know me personally would know that I'm extremely self conscious and sensitive, any casual remark my friend makes about me stays, for instance "You're really irritating" and unless that person ends off with "I'm just kidding, I swear" I'll keep thinking about it and I won't stop. I feel horrible when I get stares in public. When I see a group of people looking in my direction and talking, I automatically assume the worst and I just wanna go home and hide in my own corner.
I constantly seek reasons to doubt myself. I feel like I'm not worthy, I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and often times, I feel like a bad investment to everyone - Like why would anyone wanna be my friend? Why would anyone wanna date me?
I feel like a liability and I always feel like everyone around me secretly hates me. I'm afraid of being judged and I'm very weary of everything I do or say... I feel like I can never be myself because what if who I really am scares people away? I'm not someone who's able to let go of things easily and small little things can have a pretty big impact on me. I feel the need to please everyone just because I'm afraid that no one will like me if I don't.That's not all; whenever something good happens to me, I'll find all ways to sabotage the situation because I feel like I don't deserve it, I'm always pushing people away. I basically don't see much value in myself and the biggest problem is that I'm really insecure and I tend to seek validation from others. I need recognition, appreciation and encouragement. I need constant reminders from people I love that I'm good enough. I d n't know how to solve this and no matter how many compliments I receive, I'd choose to believe in that one bad comment. I haven't been writing because I feel like everything I write isn't good enough and shouldn't be published. I feel like there's nothing to love about myself and there's no reason why people should love me. I'm so brutally cynical towards everyone and everything like good things shouldn't happen in my life. I hate how I feel like my own worth and value has to be determined by someone else and I can't help it.
I feel pathetic. Sigh.
