A month out, wow. Crazy what has happened these past few weeks. I’m writing this because even a month later, you are still on my mind from the second I wake up until the second I go to sleep. I know that you’d probably find that hard to believe considering I’m the one that left you and I went no contact, but it’s true. Your existence haunts me. I feel that I have so many things left unsaid, so many unresolved emotions. This is my only real outlet. If I were to talk to you I would explode and hurt you even more, and while that could be satisfying, I like to consider myself more mature than that.
I’m glad that the way you handled the break up shows me that I was right after all. Breaking up was a good decision, as I saved myself inevitable pain far greater than what I feel right now. Still, what I feel right now hurts pretty bad and if I don’t get this off of my chest it will eat me alive.
A month without you is enough to realize that I wasn’t thinking straight, my judgement was clouded by love. I really did love you, too. You were my first real love, and I let you in more than I ever let anyone else in. You were perfection to me, even though you couldn’t see the perfection in yourself. You saw perfection in me, too, you made me feel like a yourhighNESH.
It reminded me of those days when we thought, it was You and I against the world, and nothing could ever break us apart.
At the end of the day, I’m optimistic despite the pain. The pain and anger may linger for awhile, but I will move on. Fortunately for me, now that I’m no longer under your influence my emotional strength, ability to love, and ability to trust will all slowly be restored. My wounds will heal. It will be a process, but I think I will be stronger after this than I was before I met you. Part of me hopes that you one day get the opportunity to read this letter, but I am doubtful if that will ever happen.
LOU, I STILL LOVE YOU THE SAME & I REALLY DO MISS YOU.
