DISCLAIMER: I’m not here to join or compete with relationships Experts, as a matter of fact, I’m not sure I’m eligible to be called one. But most of what I’m going to be saying here are proven facts from experiences and lessons learnt from so many failed relationships.
Yesterday, I happened to bump into an old friend at the mall. We decided to grab a coffee & started talking bout our lives and so the "current relationship" topic was brought into the table, & so I asked her if she already have a boyf. She said she’s not sure, I was shocked, how can you be in relationship and not know, then it’s either you’re not in love or your love is not returned. According to her, she's confused. The guy claimed to love her but doesn't seem to have a clue of who she truly is. She went further boiling in anger and you could see as she fights back the tears in a hurry.
"He thinks that buying stuffs for me is simply enough to call him my man or either let me know that he loves me?" - Andrea (not her real name)
Hey, THAT'S absolutely not LOVE.
I ‘ll give you the clues you’ve been lacking that will transform your relationship magically if you abide by them.
1.) - NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEEL ALWAYS ASK.
As it is said assumption is the lowest level of knowledge yes it is. Just imagine the story of I told earlier the guy was sincerely ignorant, he was doing everything on the assumption of the fact that he is communicating love, but he never knew all he was doing was creating an infill able gap between the two of them.
Look at her response when I asked her what she wishes the guy should have done differently. She said “all I wanted for him was to meet my emotional needs to ask me how I’m feeling to help me fight my emotional battles, to hold me close instead of running around like a bartender, engage me in a conversation and listen to my pains”
Look at that, something so simple yet so complicated for most guys to understand.
What you don’t know as guys is that a woman emotional need is important than any other thing you can think of.
2.) - NEVER COMPARE HER WITH YOUR EX.
It is easy to loose your cool when angry and in the attempt to pass your message to her you try comparing her with your ex, telling her if it was your ex she would have acted differently, but let’s face it, if she’s so much of an angel you wouldn’t have left her in the first place. And not just your ex alone, never compare her with anybody not even yours or her siblings. What you’re doing is, you’re communicating rejection and telling her she’s less a human. She might learn the lesson you’re trying to pass across but she will never be able to erase it from her memory, and in case you don’t know, gradually you’re digging the grave for such relationship.
Nobody is perfect and nobody will ever will, there’s a lot of people in the world today reminding us of our flaws what will need are people who can keep encouraging us by telling us the good things we do right. To be honest with you the best way to get people to change is not by rubbing it in their faces but by appreciating the things that they’ve done right. So never make the mistake of comparing her.
3.) - SAY THE WORD I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS YOU CAN BREATHE.
I said it before, an assumption is detrimental to any relationship. When you ask any man or guy about how frequent they say the word “I love you” immediately they jump into the defense mode of saying ofcourse she knows I do. But the point is how often do you say this words. Our words are a container for power and as they carry the power to destroy they also possess the potency to heal. So say those words, in the kitchen in the grocery store, in the parking lot anywhere, say those words. It makes her feel secure that you still feel the same way about her. Don’t let her continue to figure things by herself it does you no harm by saying the words, as long as you’re convinced you to love her, then don’t stop saying it.
4.) - SHOW HER OFF.
if she has to explain to people that she’s in a relationship with you then you’re not doing your job, when you go to any function introduce her to people before she’s asked, especially to the ladies, help her marked her territory. I’m assuring you there’s no man in this world who could twat your relationship, come to think of it, why do people cheat, because they go in search of what is lacking in their relationships, and if you’re doing your best at those things what bait did other guys has. Think of every relationship that was slammed at the rock, something has been lacking either attention, communication or acceptance.
5.) - COMMUNICATE REGULARLY AND PROPERLY.
most people when they hear or see the word communication they felt they are master of the art, but to think you are master of the art makes you even guilty of it.
Always get this at the back of your mind humans are first emotional beings before they become a logical being, especially for the ladies. According to Shaunti and Jeff feldhahn in their book “FOR MEN ONLY-they said what she feels about the problem is much more important than the problem” it sound so simple right? How many men or guys actually know this? Even the ones that do, doesn’t understand it deeply. If you noticed I just said communicate regularly and properly, you can be communicating regularly and not be doing it in the right way.
Never interrupt your woman when she’s venting her emotion, even when you have the solution upfront, be discipline communicate love before you communicate logic. And love is best communicated in an act not in saying, and what is the act, listening, and not just listening but listening attentively. Help her feel her pain don’t be so insensitive just by trying to be logical. A man who can successfully listen to his woman has communicated the highest level gesture of love. Lastly, make sure you talk about anything, discuss anything especially about her favorite stuff, things she cares about.
I know a guy that is reading right it right now is thinking then what is in it for you guys? Wait for it, there’s no way you do these things and you won’t see your relationship naturally falling back to place. She’ll begin to adjust in some areas that you’ve almost given up, truth is, she’s human she’s
not a beast she wants your happiness too.If you’re a lady reading this, you can also email it to your man just to save your relationship.
