Sometimes I don’t understand words, actions and everything a person is attempting to express because I refuse to comprehend it. If you love someone so much, why should you apologize for being happy with them? Why should the presence of another or a rival freeze you up so much when the person you love has chosen you? Why should you apologize for feeling and loving when the rival is your friend? I’ve realized that humans can be so selfish sometimes. They cling onto people and they let them hurt them.
They tell you things are complicated and they let others cling onto them. They feed others and fuel your love, they are wicked but you can’t help find them lovely.
I’ve also realized that most friends will not understand your mind and the darkness of it, you hope and you pray they would but no one truly does but yourself. You see, friends and even the person you love will always continue to exclaim and stand by the phrase, “bros before hoes” and I would not be surprised if the person I love did that to me. I am behind it but why is it so wrong for someone to try and love someone with their entire being and be happy?
Should I throw away someone I love just for the sake of not hurting a friend who likes the same person even if it’s at the cost of my own happiness?
Is that what I want?
Should I ensure everyone is happy by being sad?
Am I not allowed to be happy after struggling to consider her feelings while she’s been public about it?
Am I not allowed to fight for what makes me happy?
Do I not deserve happiness and love?
It’s come to light that I’ve begun accepting the fact and time where one day everyone I truly care about and love will turn their back against me and I will be left alone to fend for myself against the whole world and my inner demons but I want to reach that point having known to struggle so much that I broke bones in my body fighting for my happiness.
I realized that if I continue to live trying to please people and consider their selfish desires, disregarding my own selfish wishes that I will never be happy.
So I will fight, struggle, love, laugh and live for my happiness. I will hurt people, I will lose friends, I will lose maybe everyone; even the person that I love, the person that I am fighting to achieve happiness with. I will love him until I explode with all of the love and suffocate myself in his scent.
They say love is blind, that’s why I am willing to lose a friend for this, you see I don’t think I am willing to lose a friend but I am letting everything play out by itself because why must I continue to apologize for being happy?
Love is blind but Happiness motivates.
All there’s left to ask is: whether you, my love will be by my side even after finding out how ugly I’ve become?
